Cowtown 10K

I registered for the Cowtown 10K today! Training starts January 5th. The race is the February 28, the day after my birthday. Don't you think that's a great way to start out my 28th year? ha.

Anybody wanna join in the celebration? You can register too! Consider it a birthday present to me if you do.

Happy New Year!

A New Version of Sad

Today I told my principal that I will not be returning for the 2009-2010 school year. His reaction was that of shock and disappointment. I guess that's a good response, better than indifference or joy. : ) It was one of "those conversations." You know, the kind you'd do anything to get out of, but there's just no way around it. I really struggle with people pleasing, and I know he had no clue this was coming. It was hard to let him down.

It's even harder to think about leaving the kids, though half of them will be moving on to 9th grade. They expect me to be there. They always ask, are you coming back next year? I'll have to answer that question differently this year and that breaks my heart! I'll probably end up crying in front of them and then they'll know for sure that I'm a lunatic.

Telling my boss that I'm leaving after next semester was the next logical step towards working as an artist and sharing my talents with a broader community. I have never lived life this way before. I'm afraid of what I don't know and there's A LOT I don't know in this situation. It's the perfect opportunity for me to learn to really trust God and allow Christ to lead me in ways I have not allowed him to in the past. NOT EASY!

One Holiday to Another

I sincerely apologize to my blog whom I have neglected for over a month now.

It's time to follow up on the sugar skull extravaganza. As you can see we had many a successful sugar skulls. However, I was lazy and didn't make as many colors of icing as I could have. It was an extremely messy undertaking and I decided to simplify for my own sanity. The party was enjoyable. I was especially pleased that Sheila made the trip over. She is a kindred spirit!

Thanksgiving 08 has come and gone. I am sad to see it go because I had such a memorable holiday. My good friend Tandy and her husband Dwight live in Anchorage, AK where he has been stationed in the army. He is in the process of transitioning out of the army and they are packing up to move back to Houston. When I bought my plane ticket to Alaska I didn't know if they'd be moving or not. So, I'm glad that I was able to take advantage of their last holiday there as I have never been to Alaska before.

The trip was a quick one, but who can complain about good food and good fellowship? I missed being with my family on the holiday, but I am so thankful that God has blessed me with friends who are as close as family. I could not have invented better people than Tandy and Dwight in my own imagination!

So, in honor of Thanksgiving and the spirit of giving in this holiday season I want to say THANK YOU and I LOVE you to all of the people that God has put into my life. You are the experience. You are part of the abundant life that Jesus promises.

So... I'm the WINNER! (and other sugar skull non-sense)

Ha ha. I found out a few weeks ago that I did receive the Teacher of the Year award. CRAZY! I was very honored and shocked. It seems humorous to me in light of the fact that I'm not planning to return next year. None-the-less, God is good and it's all because of Him that I've made it this far in wild and wooly world of public education.

On a completely random unrelated note... I made sugar skulls earlier this evening! I'm having a Dia De Los Muertos party on Saturday night. We're going to decorate the skulls which is part of the holiday tradition. I would have taken a picture to accompany this post, but alas, I left my camera at school. I'll be sure to take photos after they're decorated. I snagged this photo from the web link up above.

Adios!

Affirmations from God

While I was in Lubbock this weekend I randomly picked up a real estate guide. Low and behold... on the front page was a listing for a retail space with apartment units on top (exactly what I envision for Sparrow Nest). The address was 701 Broadway and I figured it had to be somewhere near downtown, so I decided to go and see for myself.

I found the building and slowly pulled my car over to get a closer look. The cornerstone caught my attention and I remember it almost like I was experiencing tunnel vision. I could not believe my eyes when I realized the the name on the cornerstone was "Stewart". CRAZY!!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not jumping to conclusions here. I have no idea where I'll move to start the studio. I'm completely relying on God to open those doors for me. I do believe 100% that the building was God's way of saying "stay the course... you're headed the right way!" It was an experience that will be forever burned in my brain. Thank you, God for this adventure!

On another note, I was nominated for "teacher of the year" by one or more of my colleagues. The leadership team at our school will make the final vote in the near future. The list of nominees includes some AMAZING teachers who have many years experience on me. I'm just happy to make the short list!

A New Calling

I had a huge Ah-hah moment the other day that is going to become my new topic of conversation. I've shared this plan with several people... but now it's time to really get this out there. I wrote the following to a very close friend and I'm going to re-post it here as a commitment to what I believe God is calling me to next. Please feel free to pass this on to whomever and give me any feedback that you might have. Prayer is always welcome!

So basically, I want to have an art studio in an urban/downtown area. 3 days a week open the studio to people for free. 2 days a week close it and work on my own art. I'd like to get a place that has an apartment or living space attached. The open studio would be run like a ministry focusing on people who are in poverty or living on the streets. However, all people would be welcome to come. I'd like to create an environment that fosters meaningful conversation and ultimately, conversations about God.

This all came to me so suddenly. I was doing a bible study about completely committing my life to God...reading verses from Matt about God protecting and providing for the Sparrow. Before I started the study I was feeling very distracted and anxious. I really felt the devil trying to distract me and keep me from giving that time of study to God. So, I prayed for God to bind up that force and send it away and I started the study. I just felt God saying, TRUST ME MORE! In the past, the thought of giving up a steady income has terrified me. Now, I feel like I'm ready to trust God to provide for me and a ministry. I don't care where the money comes from or what the place or the ministry actually ends up looking like. I don't even care where it is for that matter. When I visualize myself trusting God enough to make it happen I can't help but smile ear to ear. It would be a dream come true for me. It would be in line with my deepest desires and I believe it is in line with God's will for me.

I've always known that I'd like to do something like this, but for the first time in my life all the pieces seem to fit together. I'm open to the possibility and I'm totally okay with God leading the way and completely shaping the finished product. Right now, I've decided to start talking about it with anyone and everyone who will listen and just see what kind of connections I can find. I know God will open the right doors and the right minds.

I also know that the devil will be attacking me through pride. I don't want to be come self-righteous in my dependence on God or feel like I am better than others for trusting in him deeply. I know that could be a stronghold if I don't constantly stay in check. I want God to keep me aware of my personal motivation and to keep that motivation pure... that he would be the sole source of my desire to see this happen.

I'm going to finish out the school year and this lease and then, with God's help I'll move on to this adventure. Until then I'm going to keep talking, looking and planning... but most importantly, I'm going to keep listening to Him. He is the beginning and the end... with God all things are possible.

As a testimony of how the Lord is working in my life I want to call it Sparrow Nest Studio (which is really an idea that came from Jesus, not me). Keep this in your prayers and let me know what you think.

The Sparrow

I was reading about how God protects the sparrow... a verse and concept I am very familiar with, but somehow this time it resonated with me more than it has in the past. So, I think the sparrow will be a reoccurring theme in my art. This is just the beginning. Thank you God for self-expression and metaphors. They're brilliant!

Psalm 119: 145-152

With my whole heart I cry; answer me,
O Lord!
I will keep your statutes.
I call to you; save me,
that I may observe your testimonies,
I raise before dawn and cry for help;
I hope in your words.
My eyes are awake before the watches
of the night,
that I may meditate on your promise.
Hear my voice according to your steadfast love;
O Lord, according to your justice
give me life.
They draw near who persecute me with evil purpose;
they are far from your law.
But you are near, O Lord,
and all your commandments are true.
Long have I known from your
testimonies
that you have founded them forever.

For the first time in my life I have set my pride aside and allowed myself to audibly call on God to save me. I am so stubborn. I am such a control freak. I am so independent. The fact of the matter is I've been living in a prison! God wants me to be free in him. He wants me to seek him with a passion that I never have before. I am calling out to him with my whole heart. I believe that this is the LAST thing the enemy wants me to do... which causes me to call on God all the more for protection. I want to live a life that speaks the truth that nothing is impossible with God. I suck at submission, so that fact God has brought me this far is a testimony to his glory and grace.

He is giving me new freedom... new hunger for an intimate relationship with him... the possibility experiencing miracles in everyday life, things that seem impossible coming true. I am so thankful for His patients and His steadfast love.

Ahhhh Nature...

I was walking into my apartment after work today when this ginormous leaf fell from the tree and nearly hit me in the head. God always uses nature to capture my attention.

I love to look up at the sky and see what's going on. Today there are huge puffy clouds in the sky and the sun creates silver linings around all of them. It's amazing! It's so simple and so rejuvenating. When I made it into my bedroom I decided to lay on my bed with my head handing off the side so I could look out the window at the world upside down... again, very amusing if you make the time for it.

I think noticing nature and noticing the details in life are a great ways to train myself to truly be present and to live in the moment. God creates these things for us to enjoy. Children know how to do this... but adults, we've apparently got better things to do (more boring things to do, if you ask me!).

Any other suggestions? At what time in your day do you fully embrace the moment?

Peace, perfect peace.

I love photography! This is one random picture from the family photos I shot for the Estes' recently. If you'd like to see all of the them click here. We had a great time romping around the Bishop Arts District. The boys were great because their personalities are so uninhibited and they shine through so evidently in the photos.

While in Rwanda it struck me that Americans are obsessed with looking ridiculously happy in photographs. How often is that display of happiness a lie? I only say this because it's a struggle of mine. I like people to think that everything is great and wonderful and exciting. To display that my life is constantly those things is a complete lie. Let's face it, I'm just not that exciting! However, I find great peace in knowing that God is equally present in all moments of my life. He doesn't care if I'm grinning like an idiot or bawling like a baby. He is there. He is present. He is truthful. I want to be those things. Present and truthful. No masks, no fake outs. No smiles to hide the imperfection that is my humanity... that is our humanity. PEACE, PERFECT PEACE.

I am a tree.

I have not posted in a while because my life is in transition as we speak. Summer is coming to a close and the school year is darkening my doorway. Not that I mind, but let's be honest... having free reign over your days and nights is quite the perk to say good-bye to. Tandy's wedding is also fast approaching and that's keeping me busy as well.

However... I did complete this sculpture today at in-service. It's about my personal identity. I felt like a tree growing out of a box is a good representation of me because I am always struggling to live "outside of the box" (i.e.- societies expectations). I am limited in my human thinking, so rather than obliterating the box completely, I believe God is currently allowing me to grow from the box. I painted the tree white to represent purity and the way God views me. It's made of Styrofoam insulation board and acrylic paint.

Current Creations

I stumbled upon the blogs of some artists who were posting "a drawing a day", and I am an advocate of stealing good ideas...

The paintings are for Olivia Rodriguez's nursery and are not finished yet. However it is one of my goals to start documenting works in progress so I can be more aware of my creative process. Enjoy.

Possibilities (for REAL this time).

I attended a introductory meeting for something called Landmark Forum. Bonnie and Frank had attended the previous weekend, and their forum ended last night as well. I invited Katie to go with me because she one of my "yes" friends. I'll explain "yes" friends in a future post.

The woman who presented to our group was wonderful. She had lots of energy and she was very authentic. It seemed she became more authentic as she continued to speak, because honestly at first she struck me as somewhat awkward, as thought she was trying too hard. I'm going to explain the steps of the activity that she lead us through and I encourage you to give this a try:

1. What's working in your life? Make a list of things that seem to be working well in your life (ex. finances, work, relationships, health)
2. What's not working in your life? Again, make a list, duh. (ex. planning for work, relationships family/male)
3. Area you are working on.Choose the item that is most important to you from your list on step 2.
4. Probable almost certain future. This one is tricky. It has three parts. First, write what you already doing in regard to your response on step 3. Second, write what you already have in regard to step 3. Finally, write what your are being in regard to step 3.
5. What is missing? Write what you think it would take you to get to the next level in the area you're working on. For me, it was lesson planning for work. I decided I was missing passion. I am not passionate about writing lessons or planning ANYTHING for that matter. Therefore, many times my teaching is missing passion. Mainly because I'm conforming to a way of teaching that does not suit my personal style or way of thinking.
6. Invent a new possibility. I love this one! This is the freedom part. This is the creative part! Instead of conforming to the standard, I am going to have a classroom where I present information that I am passionate about. I know that will give the students a more authentic learning experience in my classroom because I will no longer be straining to do it another person's way.

I went into more depth in my own responses, but I didn't want to overwhelm you with ALL the scattered thoughts in my head. Try it out and let me know what you think.

I personally think it is a sin to let your creative abilities go by the wayside. Why should we abandon the ability to invent our own future (and even our own present!)?

Possibilities.

Ok, this is random and has absolutely nothing to do with the title of this post, but I can't stop laughing about it!

So, when we were in Africa we hired drivers to take us from here to there. We had some drama maintaining the same driver week to week, and so for each of the 3 weeks we were there we had a different driver. The last week we had a driver named (grrrr, I can't remember her name. It will come to me). Anyhow, she was not actually a driver by trade, but rather her brother Jamada was. He was the person we contacted initially, but he was already driving for someone else. He asked his sister to drive for us as a favor to him. In Kigali it is very uncommon for women to be taxi drivers or to drive at all for that matter, so we enjoyed the experience.

Try to visualize this as I explain the experience. There were 4 of us on the team and so our taxi was completely full. The cars there are generally small, thus three of us were packed into the back seat. Because I was significantly shorter than all of my team members I usually sat sandwiched quite snugly in the middle with the shoulders of my teammates framing my head. It was an interesting perspective to have. This particular day Chuck was sitting in the front seat where there was actually breathing room. Our driver decided to make conversation and and with her Rwandese accent exclaimed, " Jamada sends his greetings." I personally didn't catch what she said at first as the sound waves were blocked by the previously mentioned shoulders. Apparently, Chuck did not understand what she said either, because he immediately responded, "Who's mom?"

I was driving to meet my friend Katie, who was one of my teammates on the trip, and the memory of that exchange popped into my head and I was literally laughing out loud as I drove through rush hour traffic. If you have not experienced foreign travel you must try it for the exciting experience of language barriers.

I'll post about "Possibilities." tomorrow. : )

THINGS TO DO BEFORE I'M 30

1) Read the bible cover to cover

2) Visit Argentina

3) Be accepted to a PhD program

4) Have a solo art exhibit

5) Shop in NYC

6) Speak Spanish Fluently

7) Drive to Canada

8) Take up backpacking

9) Submit a manuscript to a national publication

10) Co-author a book

Naked Noah

In my experience using the book of Luke to teach conversational English I've felt called to read the bible all the way through, which I have never done before. I think it appropriate to add that to the top of my "Things to Do Before I'm Thirty" list. This list doesn't actually exist as of this moment, but I believe it will materialize as a result of this post.

I'm working my way through Genesis which, for me, is a mountain of a beginning. I find myself questioning the creation story because it seems like just that: A STORY. I'm resolved to believe that there is much more to the story that God left out because our brains and so small compared to his. I think he did us a huge favor and boiled the story down to the basics so our tiny little human heads wouldn't explode due to the awesomeness of his creative abilities.

After the creation the world becomes consumed by evil and God sends the flood. God favors Noah and so he spares his family and makes Noah in charge of maintaining life as humans know it on this planet (and I think I have big responsibilities... ha ha...). As many of us know, Noah, his family and the animals make it out in one piece.

I was absolutely dumfounded by the next part of the account of Noah's life. Apparently, the guy who is SOOOO FAVORED by God gets drunk and passes out buck naked-in his tent. There's more to the story, but I will stop there.

My conclusion: God favored Noah and chose him for a really important purpose, but Noah was just as human and messed up as the rest of us. I think God really wanted to drive that point home to me, otherwise he would not have deemed it important enough to publish it in the most popular book of all time.

Back to blogging

I rather enjoyed blogging while in Rwanda, but came to the conclusion that I do not like sharing a blog page with others. Go figure. I can imagine that those of you who know me best are not at all shocked by my conclusion. I started this blog page last year and then never kept up with it. ROUND 2.

I am currently writing this as a means to divert myself from that which I should be accomplishing... the final revisions to a manuscript that has been accepted to be published in the Texas Art Education Journal called TRENDS. I would continue tooting my own horn, but the truth is Dr. Kraft is the editor. I doubt my manuscript would have been accepted by another publication, but then again all things are possible with God. Luke say so.

More musings to come...