Sparrow Nest

NEW WEBSITE: www.emilyjeanstewart.com

2009-08-25T16:05:00.000-07:00

Please visit my new website www.emilyjeanstewart.com. All future blog-posts will be published there. If you're a regular reader know that I LOVE YOU DEEPLY! :) Thanks for your support.

Sparrow Nest: Thank you, Stephen.

2009-08-24T19:01:00.000-07:00

Sparrow Nest: Thank you, Stephen.

Thank you, Stephen.

2009-08-24T18:47:00.001-07:00

Stephen Baldridge promised he would buy this artwork for $100,000, seeing as he is now a rich university professor. Thank you, Stephen for singlehandedly launching my artistic career. I am indebted to you eternally...

This painting was done on (45"X52") reclaimed wood (aka scrap wood I nabbed from my grandpa's wood shop) with spray paint and acrylic paint. It all started with a collage done in my sketchbook, which I posted a month or so ago on the blog. I'm pleased with the spray paint, and the overall composition of the piece. It seems to have a lot of depth in the way that it's layered. What I'm really digging is the overt social message. This is the kind of art I'm really interested in making... so, thank you Lord for bringing me this far. With His grace, hopefully I can continue to ride this creative wave.

Farewell, and good evening...

Remembering Rwanda Part Deaux

2009-08-21T15:49:00.000-07:00

Visions of certain photographs done in arbitrary color schemes seem to come to my mind often. I though it would be interesting to take this composition and try it in several different color schemes. I've decided color is my thing. Perhaps that's why I love much of the art that has come out of Mexico. Traditionally speaking, color has been used extravagantly by the Mexican culture. Then again, I suppose color can be subtile and still classify as extravagant. Needless to say, color matters. I used to think it was alright to use the colors I was visually attracted to and hope it all came out right. I have learned that color theory is DIFFICULT and using color well is a refined talent. I don't think I'm there yet, but it's the path I'm currently walking. I know I'll continue to learn as I experiment.

Remembering Rwanda

2009-08-20T15:57:00.000-07:00

Today, I drew a picture from a photograph taken by one of my friends while we were in Rwanda last summer. It is my hope that I will be able to continue to travel. I love traveling, and then returning to reflect on the experience.

Apple Abstractions

2009-08-18T11:25:00.000-07:00

The first one is well...

And the second one is... apple morphing into a flying saucer. JK

Strike that, reverse it.

Artistic License, how I love thee

2009-08-18T09:05:00.000-07:00

I created this still life/color study this morning. It may seem sort of boring and over done, but the truth is I love apples. I love to eat them. Aside from their nutritional value... they have great color value (gala). It's always good to brush up on observational skills and I feel I'm succumbing to the pressure of proving I can paint... whatever that means. Regardless of my motivation, overall I think this type of painting is beneficial in the long run, even though I don't think is uber creative... it is technical and it's good to get technical every now and then.

When I finish a painting (or sometimes during the process) I feel the overwhelming need to photograph what I've done. It allows me to separate myself from the work and look at it from another perspective. This is one of the pictures I took when the painting was completed.

Because this piece is a 'study' I painted it on a canvas sheet (similar to a piece of paper from a drawing pad). After viewing this photo I've decided I'm going to cut the painting and display it this way. This composition seems much stronger. I like the contrast of the white background and the apples/bowl. Gee it's great to be your own boss! You get to make all the decisions...

New Mexican Adventures

2009-08-17T19:46:00.000-07:00

I spent the past several weeks away from home, thus completely abandoning the blog. I've returned from my travels refreshed, encouraged, and ready to begin cranking out stunning works of art (time will tell!).

The first 2 of the 3 weeks were spent in the Sangre de Christo mountains of Northern New Mexico at Camp Blue Haven. There I was reminded that God is very evident in nature, and that mountains are majestic, and steep, and worth conquering, and yet nowhere near as big and great and awesome as the one who spoke them into existence. From there I made a pit stop in Santa Fe where I stayed in a hostel.

I was hoping to meet some colorful characters... but instead paid $18 to stay in a room by myself with 8 beds to choose from. They must have known I am a princess. :) I spent the day bashing around the city looking at art. Some of it was good and some of it was bad. I am also proud to say that I was reprimanded by a local for giving a 'pan-handler' 20 cents. She informed me that he probably makes more money than I do, about $60,000 a year. Hey lady, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em... that's all I have to say about that. :)

I made a quick stop in Lubbock to see some fabulous friends and then spent the last week in Dallas. I had hoped to acquire a fine furry best friend (dog), but it didn't work out. Apparently I am truly meant to be foot-loose-and-fancy-free. I'm back home on the farm and with 3 weeks full of great experiences from which to gain inspiration.

New Direction: Redeeming Idea

2009-07-23T06:30:00.000-07:00

As a follower of Christ, I fully believe in his power to redeem. I've also become very aware that my perception of what's going on in the world is often wrong. There is a lot to be fearful of, a lot of sadness, a lot of injustice. Despite all that, I have hope that God is working good. These paintings address this idea.

The first two are 2 of 3 paintings that were a final project for an advanced painting class I took at Texas Tech University. They have been sitting in a box for about 5 years now. I decided it was time to drag them out and rethink the concept. I liked the concept and for me it is so relevant to the way I experience life. During the critique for these paintings my professor asked if I had thought about doing similar paintings on a larger scale... which I thought was a great idea. So, here I am.

I am currently working on the 3 painting pictured here. What you see is the back ground. In the original series the background was completely chaotic symbolizing evil in the world. This time around I'm going to paint cityscapes in the background. Love/hate is how I would describe my feelings for 'the city'. To me the city is often chaotic, and in many ways can represent the destruction that man creates. BUT, even in that chaos many many good things happen. Now that the back ground is complete I will create another painting on loose canvas inspired by something that I perceive to be a problem in my life or in the world. When the painting dries I will cut it up and make flowers out of it to attach to the background painting. The flowers represent God's power to do good in all situations. We exist in the mess, and yet we grow and flourish out of it. That is the beauty of being saved...

Sock Monsters: good for illustrating Truth

2009-07-21T15:45:00.000-07:00

I'll admit it... I laughed out loud as I stitched my face onto this sock monster. I had a great time making this thing, and I basically whipped it together this afternoon. Next week I'll be teaching a bible class on Ephesians at Camp Blue Haven. I plan to have the girls make their own (with their faces, not mine... these aren't voodoo dolls people). We'll be using the dolls as a discussion point focusing on the truth that God lives inside of us; the God who can do more than all we ask or imagine, and it's about His power. Anyway... we'll talk about how the dolls have to stuffed with something... why not fill them with the good stuff, right? We'll also be designing our own 'armor of God' for the monsters. I hope nobody finds this sacrilegious. I'm simply being creative in my representation of the word. My grandfather didn't find the monster as humorous as I did... generation gap, maybe?

Studio Show and Tell (I always loved show and tell)

2009-07-20T20:22:00.000-07:00

Please excuse the mess! My creative sensibilities are neither minimal nor organized. However, Gretchen asked me to post pictures of the studio, so here they are. The area I use is a sun room. The boxes in the back ground ARE NOT MINE (hint, hint, Uncle Sam... come get your stuff!!). I have my desk over to the right, and most of my art stuff to the left. There's also a wood burning stove which I hope to utilize in the winter time. I envision myself staying nice an toasty when the cool weather creeps in, and if one of my artworks is absolutely despicable... I'll throw it to the flames. It will be devastatingly dramatic. There's always something to look forward to around here.

I'm working with acrylic paints right now, which are not my fav, but apparently the turpentine I'd use to thin my oils will kill the bacteria in the septic tank. The bacteria (in this case) are our friends. I have a rule... never kill a friend who makes your life less stinky. So, my plan is to use up all of my acrylics and devise a safe plan for discarding my artistic waist in the mean time. Suggestions are welcome.

Seeking Perfection & Internet Connection

2009-07-18T06:55:00.000-07:00

Internet is down at the ranch. The repairman speculates a mouse is to blame, but the beat he can say is that the problem is between here and town. Good luck with that one, buddy. All that to say that this post will be short.

Here's what I worked on yesterday. It may or may not be part of a collage painting. It is supposed to represent societies ideas of perfection. What I'm thinking about is how those ideals might limit our decisions in life & keep us from pursuing our true purpose. So, really this is only a part of the eventual whole.

So, what I want to know is... If you could do anything in the whole wide world, no limitations or pressure to meet another's idea of perfection, what would it be?

Messed up Mouth

2009-07-14T14:14:00.000-07:00

I have been in Dallas for the past few days due to gum graft surgery. This is a "do-over," if you will. I had the same procedure done over spring break, but the tissue didn't take as the doctor hoped it would... thus, here I am. Round 2. The experience has been much better this time and I think I'll be heading back home on Thursday. I thought about taking a picture of the graft, but honestly... it's a bit gross. I don't want to unwillingly subject anyone to that.

Here are some projects I plan to start on when I get home:
1. Wire trees with yarn foliage. (I have a huge tub of yarn that I inherited from Merce)
2. Spray painting (I'm going to practice on large pieces of scrap wood and the side of the wood shop if Peeps will let me)
3. Painting a phrase on the shop roof. (I think it would be hilarious to paint random sayings up there so the planes flying around can see it).
4. More flower paintings (except these will be mixed media where I paint on loose canvas, cut it up, and use the scraps to construct 3D flowers on a stretched canvas.)

New Stuff

2009-07-10T09:42:00.000-07:00

My studio area is in order (by my standards). There are still several things I'd like to have and have removed from the room, but it's a great starter space. I've been racking my brain... trying to get my thoughts organized so that I can actually produce something. That can be challenging when there are virtually NO limitations. It's a bit overwhelming and I think that is one of the devils favorite tools against me. It may sound funny, but I'm going to have to pray everyday that God will keep me focused and that he will suppress the critical voice that satan uses to make me unproductive. I'm telling you... for me, this is major spiritual warfare. By all means... PRAY FOR ME!!

Here are a few things I've been working on. 2 are collages from my sketchbook. I'd like to reproduce these as large scale paintings/murals using spray paint and acrylic paint. I'm going to have to gain some spray painting skills, but I don't foresee that taking me very long. The more I think about it, I'll probably be well suited to spray painting. It is quick... and I'm all about quick production. Plus, I'd like these paintings to be appealing to non artist types, and people are often less threatened by spray paint b/c it's not 'high art'.

The painting is for Lauren. I often come back to this flower motif in which I always include a geometric form. The best I can explain is that it represents geometric vs organic. The need for both structure and chaos. The desire for structure while longing to be free. Deep, huh? I scare myself sometimes.

Love you all!

EVERYONE has stopped blogging? What gives?

2009-07-02T16:19:00.001-07:00

I am officially a resident of a small Texas farm town, population 2000 or so. I won't name the city for privacy reasons. This is the world wide web after all (and I wouldn't want to tip off the paparazzi), but most of you know where it is I have relocated to. All of the belongings are finally in their new place. There's still decorating to be done, but for now I am satisfied.

I have been without internet up to this point and it really hasn't been too bad, probably because I just acquired an iphone. Once again I am connected to a vast array of knowledge, some good, some bad, some productive and some highly destructive. I'll admit, life seems purer without it... and yet, here I am! What a paradox.

So here's my Top 10 list for REASONS ONE SHOULD LIVE IN SMALL TOWN, TX USA:

10) It's so quite you can hear your nose whistle
9) Fresh air
8) Fashion is not a high priority
7) There are guys like gary who tells jokes no one understands and his excuse is that he's "part retarded"
6) For at least a little while you're the mysterious new kid
5) It's quite possible to know EVERY person in town
4) No crazy nightly local news describing drug busts and murders
3) Everybody does the wave as they drive down the street
2) 12 year olds driving trucks around town
1) Restaurants called "Country Pickins" where they have fabulous beans and a stack of VHS tapes in the corner for no apparent reason.

AFI Dallas

2009-03-28T19:05:00.000-07:00

I had a first today. My friend and I attended a movie as part of the AFI Dallas film festival. Each year that I've lived in Dallas the opportunity to attend has been missed, until now. This year I was determined to take advantage of the local opportunity. What's the point of living in the land of cement if you don't capitalize on it's high points?

At about 11am we set out to pick up vouchers I had purchased earlier this week online. It dawned on me this morning that we might have to get our butts in gear on the ticket situation, or we might not get to see some of the movies that were on our list. Sure enough, the movie I wanted to see was tagged "close off" online. Unfortunately, I had no idea what that term meant, but it sounded bad.

After driving downtown to Victory Park, hunting for a parking place, digging around for loose change to pay the meter, and battling our way through the crazy wind tunnel created by the tall buildings (did I mention the small children who were clinging to their parents to avoid being swept away by the strong gusts?), we finally located the box office where a nice, somewhat unorganized man, proceeded to explain the process for getting into the movie. He was able to change some of our vouchers into tickets, but the others will have to be exchanged in a "rush line", which is a whole other situation we dealt with later in the afternoon.

Tickets and vouchers in hand we set off for the movie theater hoping to get into a movie titled "Whatever it Takes." I drove us to Mockingbird Station where the nice box office clerk looked at me cross-eyed when I asked her for thickets to the 1 o'clock showing of the movie. We were at the wrong theater (go figure). She said we need to go to North Park Mall and that we probably had no chance of getting tickets in the rush line because she had stood in line for a movie the night before with no success. So, with Negative Nancy's advice in hand, we proceeded a few exits North on 75 and made it to the theater about an hour before the start of the movie. We stood in line the entire time wondering if our waiting would be in vain.

I am happy to say the hand of God granted us entrance to the movie. It was a great movie. Following the first year of a new school in the South Bronx the movie documented, with great honesty, the struggles individuals face in the public education system. After the movie the director was on hand for Q&A. It was really cool to hear his insights. When asked about distribution of the film he stated that parents and preservice teachers are their target audience. They want parents to see that there are people offering quality education out there. The film offers preservice teachers the opportunity to see some of the issues they might face in what I'm convinced is one of the most challenging careers on the planet.

I truly believe that God is raising up a generation of people who are using their gifts and talents to openly spread Truth. The director and the main character, the principal, are both followers of Christ. The movie flashes back in the principal's personal history to reveal how God changed his life plan and career path from the pursuit of a high-profile job with Saks to a life-long commitment to educating youth who are underprivileged. It was a powerful, though not perfect, story.

All this to say, despite the run around and standing in line, my expectations for the film festival were not let down. Who knew I would have an overtly spiritual experience at AFI Dallas? God works in a amazing ways.

Isaiah 55

2009-03-24T17:28:00.001-07:00

Haven't blogged in a while, so here's where I'm at....

Come, all who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fair.
Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
See, I have made him a whitness to the peoples,
a leader and a commander of the peoples.
Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
because of the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor."

Seek the Lord while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
Let wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the Lord, and he will have
mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

For my thoughts are not you thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
withough watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread
for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
Instead of the thornbush will grow the paine tree,
and instead of the briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord's renoun,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed.

Cowtown 10K

2008-12-29T09:59:00.001-08:00

I registered for the Cowtown 10K today! Training starts January 5th. The race is the February 28, the day after my birthday. Don't you think that's a great way to start out my 28th year? ha.

Anybody wanna join in the celebration? You can register too! Consider it a birthday present to me if you do.

Happy New Year!

A New Version of Sad

2008-12-18T20:13:00.000-08:00

Today I told my principal that I will not be returning for the 2009-2010 school year. His reaction was that of shock and disappointment. I guess that's a good response, better than indifference or joy. : ) It was one of "those conversations." You know, the kind you'd do anything to get out of, but there's just no way around it. I really struggle with people pleasing, and I know he had no clue this was coming. It was hard to let him down.

It's even harder to think about leaving the kids, though half of them will be moving on to 9th grade. They expect me to be there. They always ask, are you coming back next year? I'll have to answer that question differently this year and that breaks my heart! I'll probably end up crying in front of them and then they'll know for sure that I'm a lunatic.

Telling my boss that I'm leaving after next semester was the next logical step towards working as an artist and sharing my talents with a broader community. I have never lived life this way before. I'm afraid of what I don't know and there's A LOT I don't know in this situation. It's the perfect opportunity for me to learn to really trust God and allow Christ to lead me in ways I have not allowed him to in the past. NOT EASY!

One Holiday to Another

2008-12-06T09:59:00.000-08:00

I sincerely apologize to my blog whom I have neglected for over a month now.

It's time to follow up on the sugar skull extravaganza. As you can see we had many a successful sugar skulls. However, I was lazy and didn't make as many colors of icing as I could have. It was an extremely messy undertaking and I decided to simplify for my own sanity. The party was enjoyable. I was especially pleased that Sheila made the trip over. She is a kindred spirit!

Thanksgiving 08 has come and gone. I am sad to see it go because I had such a memorable holiday. My good friend Tandy and her husband Dwight live in Anchorage, AK where he has been stationed in the army. He is in the process of transitioning out of the army and they are packing up to move back to Houston. When I bought my plane ticket to Alaska I didn't know if they'd be moving or not. So, I'm glad that I was able to take advantage of their last holiday there as I have never been to Alaska before.

The trip was a quick one, but who can complain about good food and good fellowship? I missed being with my family on the holiday, but I am so thankful that God has blessed me with friends who are as close as family. I could not have invented better people than Tandy and Dwight in my own imagination!

So, in honor of Thanksgiving and the spirit of giving in this holiday season I want to say THANK YOU and I LOVE you to all of the people that God has put into my life. You are the experience. You are part of the abundant life that Jesus promises.

So... I'm the WINNER! (and other sugar skull non-sense)

2008-10-30T20:13:00.001-07:00

Ha ha. I found out a few weeks ago that I did receive the Teacher of the Year award. CRAZY! I was very honored and shocked. It seems humorous to me in light of the fact that I'm not planning to return next year. None-the-less, God is good and it's all because of Him that I've made it this far in wild and wooly world of public education.

On a completely random unrelated note... I made sugar skulls earlier this evening! I'm having a Dia De Los Muertos party on Saturday night. We're going to decorate the skulls which is part of the holiday tradition. I would have taken a picture to accompany this post, but alas, I left my camera at school. I'll be sure to take photos after they're decorated. I snagged this photo from the web link up above.

Adios!

Affirmations from God

2008-10-13T20:10:00.001-07:00

While I was in Lubbock this weekend I randomly picked up a real estate guide. Low and behold... on the front page was a listing for a retail space with apartment units on top (exactly what I envision for Sparrow Nest). The address was 701 Broadway and I figured it had to be somewhere near downtown, so I decided to go and see for myself.

I found the building and slowly pulled my car over to get a closer look. The cornerstone caught my attention and I remember it almost like I was experiencing tunnel vision. I could not believe my eyes when I realized the the name on the cornerstone was "Stewart". CRAZY!!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not jumping to conclusions here. I have no idea where I'll move to start the studio. I'm completely relying on God to open those doors for me. I do believe 100% that the building was God's way of saying "stay the course... you're headed the right way!" It was an experience that will be forever burned in my brain. Thank you, God for this adventure!

On another note, I was nominated for "teacher of the year" by one or more of my colleagues. The leadership team at our school will make the final vote in the near future. The list of nominees includes some AMAZING teachers who have many years experience on me. I'm just happy to make the short list!

A New Calling

2008-09-29T19:30:00.000-07:00

I had a huge Ah-hah moment the other day that is going to become my new topic of conversation. I've shared this plan with several people... but now it's time to really get this out there. I wrote the following to a very close friend and I'm going to re-post it here as a commitment to what I believe God is calling me to next. Please feel free to pass this on to whomever and give me any feedback that you might have. Prayer is always welcome!

So basically, I want to have an art studio in an urban/downtown area. 3 days a week open the studio to people for free. 2 days a week close it and work on my own art. I'd like to get a place that has an apartment or living space attached. The open studio would be run like a ministry focusing on people who are in poverty or living on the streets. However, all people would be welcome to come. I'd like to create an environment that fosters meaningful conversation and ultimately, conversations about God.

This all came to me so suddenly. I was doing a bible study about completely committing my life to God...reading verses from Matt about God protecting and providing for the Sparrow. Before I started the study I was feeling very distracted and anxious. I really felt the devil trying to distract me and keep me from giving that time of study to God. So, I prayed for God to bind up that force and send it away and I started the study. I just felt God saying, TRUST ME MORE! In the past, the thought of giving up a steady income has terrified me. Now, I feel like I'm ready to trust God to provide for me and a ministry. I don't care where the money comes from or what the place or the ministry actually ends up looking like. I don't even care where it is for that matter. When I visualize myself trusting God enough to make it happen I can't help but smile ear to ear. It would be a dream come true for me. It would be in line with my deepest desires and I believe it is in line with God's will for me.

I've always known that I'd like to do something like this, but for the first time in my life all the pieces seem to fit together. I'm open to the possibility and I'm totally okay with God leading the way and completely shaping the finished product. Right now, I've decided to start talking about it with anyone and everyone who will listen and just see what kind of connections I can find. I know God will open the right doors and the right minds.

I also know that the devil will be attacking me through pride. I don't want to be come self-righteous in my dependence on God or feel like I am better than others for trusting in him deeply. I know that could be a stronghold if I don't constantly stay in check. I want God to keep me aware of my personal motivation and to keep that motivation pure... that he would be the sole source of my desire to see this happen.

I'm going to finish out the school year and this lease and then, with God's help I'll move on to this adventure. Until then I'm going to keep talking, looking and planning... but most importantly, I'm going to keep listening to Him. He is the beginning and the end... with God all things are possible.

As a testimony of how the Lord is working in my life I want to call it Sparrow Nest Studio (which is really an idea that came from Jesus, not me). Keep this in your prayers and let me know what you think.

The Sparrow

2008-09-21T13:03:00.000-07:00

I was reading about how God protects the sparrow... a verse and concept I am very familiar with, but somehow this time it resonated with me more than it has in the past. So, I think the sparrow will be a reoccurring theme in my art. This is just the beginning. Thank you God for self-expression and metaphors. They're brilliant!

Psalm 119: 145-152

2008-09-06T11:02:00.000-07:00

With my whole heart I cry; answer me,
O Lord!
I will keep your statutes.
I call to you; save me,
that I may observe your testimonies,
I raise before dawn and cry for help;
I hope in your words.
My eyes are awake before the watches
of the night,
that I may meditate on your promise.
Hear my voice according to your steadfast love;
O Lord, according to your justice
give me life.
They draw near who persecute me with evil purpose;
they are far from your law.
But you are near, O Lord,
and all your commandments are true.
Long have I known from your
testimonies
that you have founded them forever.

For the first time in my life I have set my pride aside and allowed myself to audibly call on God to save me. I am so stubborn. I am such a control freak. I am so independent. The fact of the matter is I've been living in a prison! God wants me to be free in him. He wants me to seek him with a passion that I never have before. I am calling out to him with my whole heart. I believe that this is the LAST thing the enemy wants me to do... which causes me to call on God all the more for protection. I want to live a life that speaks the truth that nothing is impossible with God. I suck at submission, so that fact God has brought me this far is a testimony to his glory and grace.

He is giving me new freedom... new hunger for an intimate relationship with him... the possibility experiencing miracles in everyday life, things that seem impossible coming true. I am so thankful for His patients and His steadfast love.

Ahhhh Nature...

2008-09-02T16:01:00.000-07:00

I was walking into my apartment after work today when this ginormous leaf fell from the tree and nearly hit me in the head. God always uses nature to capture my attention.

I love to look up at the sky and see what's going on. Today there are huge puffy clouds in the sky and the sun creates silver linings around all of them. It's amazing! It's so simple and so rejuvenating. When I made it into my bedroom I decided to lay on my bed with my head handing off the side so I could look out the window at the world upside down... again, very amusing if you make the time for it.

I think noticing nature and noticing the details in life are a great ways to train myself to truly be present and to live in the moment. God creates these things for us to enjoy. Children know how to do this... but adults, we've apparently got better things to do (more boring things to do, if you ask me!).

Any other suggestions? At what time in your day do you fully embrace the moment?

Peace, perfect peace.

2008-08-23T11:16:00.000-07:00

I love photography! This is one random picture from the family photos I shot for the Estes' recently. If you'd like to see all of the them click here. We had a great time romping around the Bishop Arts District. The boys were great because their personalities are so uninhibited and they shine through so evidently in the photos.

While in Rwanda it struck me that Americans are obsessed with looking ridiculously happy in photographs. How often is that display of happiness a lie? I only say this because it's a struggle of mine. I like people to think that everything is great and wonderful and exciting. To display that my life is constantly those things is a complete lie. Let's face it, I'm just not that exciting! However, I find great peace in knowing that God is equally present in all moments of my life. He doesn't care if I'm grinning like an idiot or bawling like a baby. He is there. He is present. He is truthful. I want to be those things. Present and truthful. No masks, no fake outs. No smiles to hide the imperfection that is my humanity... that is our humanity. PEACE, PERFECT PEACE.

I am a tree.

2008-08-20T19:23:00.001-07:00

I have not posted in a while because my life is in transition as we speak. Summer is coming to a close and the school year is darkening my doorway. Not that I mind, but let's be honest... having free reign over your days and nights is quite the perk to say good-bye to. Tandy's wedding is also fast approaching and that's keeping me busy as well.

However... I did complete this sculpture today at in-service. It's about my personal identity. I felt like a tree growing out of a box is a good representation of me because I am always struggling to live "outside of the box" (i.e.- societies expectations). I am limited in my human thinking, so rather than obliterating the box completely, I believe God is currently allowing me to grow from the box. I painted the tree white to represent purity and the way God views me. It's made of Styrofoam insulation board and acrylic paint.

Current Creations

2008-08-08T09:33:00.000-07:00

I stumbled upon the blogs of some artists who were posting "a drawing a day", and I am an advocate of stealing good ideas...

The paintings are for Olivia Rodriguez's nursery and are not finished yet. However it is one of my goals to start documenting works in progress so I can be more aware of my creative process. Enjoy.

Possibilities (for REAL this time).

2008-08-07T16:56:00.000-07:00

I attended a introductory meeting for something called Landmark Forum. Bonnie and Frank had attended the previous weekend, and their forum ended last night as well. I invited Katie to go with me because she one of my "yes" friends. I'll explain "yes" friends in a future post.

The woman who presented to our group was wonderful. She had lots of energy and she was very authentic. It seemed she became more authentic as she continued to speak, because honestly at first she struck me as somewhat awkward, as thought she was trying too hard. I'm going to explain the steps of the activity that she lead us through and I encourage you to give this a try:

1. What's working in your life? Make a list of things that seem to be working well in your life (ex. finances, work, relationships, health)
2. What's not working in your life? Again, make a list, duh. (ex. planning for work, relationships family/male)
3. Area you are working on.Choose the item that is most important to you from your list on step 2.
4. Probable almost certain future. This one is tricky. It has three parts. First, write what you already doing in regard to your response on step 3. Second, write what you already have in regard to step 3. Finally, write what your are being in regard to step 3.
5. What is missing? Write what you think it would take you to get to the next level in the area you're working on. For me, it was lesson planning for work. I decided I was missing passion. I am not passionate about writing lessons or planning ANYTHING for that matter. Therefore, many times my teaching is missing passion. Mainly because I'm conforming to a way of teaching that does not suit my personal style or way of thinking.
6. Invent a new possibility. I love this one! This is the freedom part. This is the creative part! Instead of conforming to the standard, I am going to have a classroom where I present information that I am passionate about. I know that will give the students a more authentic learning experience in my classroom because I will no longer be straining to do it another person's way.

I went into more depth in my own responses, but I didn't want to overwhelm you with ALL the scattered thoughts in my head. Try it out and let me know what you think.

I personally think it is a sin to let your creative abilities go by the wayside. Why should we abandon the ability to invent our own future (and even our own present!)?

Possibilities.

2008-08-06T07:50:00.000-07:00

Ok, this is random and has absolutely nothing to do with the title of this post, but I can't stop laughing about it!

So, when we were in Africa we hired drivers to take us from here to there. We had some drama maintaining the same driver week to week, and so for each of the 3 weeks we were there we had a different driver. The last week we had a driver named (grrrr, I can't remember her name. It will come to me). Anyhow, she was not actually a driver by trade, but rather her brother Jamada was. He was the person we contacted initially, but he was already driving for someone else. He asked his sister to drive for us as a favor to him. In Kigali it is very uncommon for women to be taxi drivers or to drive at all for that matter, so we enjoyed the experience.

Try to visualize this as I explain the experience. There were 4 of us on the team and so our taxi was completely full. The cars there are generally small, thus three of us were packed into the back seat. Because I was significantly shorter than all of my team members I usually sat sandwiched quite snugly in the middle with the shoulders of my teammates framing my head. It was an interesting perspective to have. This particular day Chuck was sitting in the front seat where there was actually breathing room. Our driver decided to make conversation and and with her Rwandese accent exclaimed, " Jamada sends his greetings." I personally didn't catch what she said at first as the sound waves were blocked by the previously mentioned shoulders. Apparently, Chuck did not understand what she said either, because he immediately responded, "Who's mom?"

I was driving to meet my friend Katie, who was one of my teammates on the trip, and the memory of that exchange popped into my head and I was literally laughing out loud as I drove through rush hour traffic. If you have not experienced foreign travel you must try it for the exciting experience of language barriers.

I'll post about "Possibilities." tomorrow. : )

THINGS TO DO BEFORE I'M 30

2008-07-30T15:50:00.000-07:00

1) Read the bible cover to cover

2) Visit Argentina

3) Be accepted to a PhD program

4) Have a solo art exhibit

5) Shop in NYC

6) Speak Spanish Fluently

7) Drive to Canada

8) Take up backpacking

9) Submit a manuscript to a national publication

10) Co-author a book

Naked Noah

2008-07-28T11:34:00.000-07:00

In my experience using the book of Luke to teach conversational English I've felt called to read the bible all the way through, which I have never done before. I think it appropriate to add that to the top of my "Things to Do Before I'm Thirty" list. This list doesn't actually exist as of this moment, but I believe it will materialize as a result of this post.

I'm working my way through Genesis which, for me, is a mountain of a beginning. I find myself questioning the creation story because it seems like just that: A STORY. I'm resolved to believe that there is much more to the story that God left out because our brains and so small compared to his. I think he did us a huge favor and boiled the story down to the basics so our tiny little human heads wouldn't explode due to the awesomeness of his creative abilities.

After the creation the world becomes consumed by evil and God sends the flood. God favors Noah and so he spares his family and makes Noah in charge of maintaining life as humans know it on this planet (and I think I have big responsibilities... ha ha...). As many of us know, Noah, his family and the animals make it out in one piece.

I was absolutely dumfounded by the next part of the account of Noah's life. Apparently, the guy who is SOOOO FAVORED by God gets drunk and passes out buck naked-in his tent. There's more to the story, but I will stop there.

My conclusion: God favored Noah and chose him for a really important purpose, but Noah was just as human and messed up as the rest of us. I think God really wanted to drive that point home to me, otherwise he would not have deemed it important enough to publish it in the most popular book of all time.

Back to blogging

2008-07-25T10:52:00.000-07:00

I rather enjoyed blogging while in Rwanda, but came to the conclusion that I do not like sharing a blog page with others. Go figure. I can imagine that those of you who know me best are not at all shocked by my conclusion. I started this blog page last year and then never kept up with it. ROUND 2.

I am currently writing this as a means to divert myself from that which I should be accomplishing... the final revisions to a manuscript that has been accepted to be published in the Texas Art Education Journal called TRENDS. I would continue tooting my own horn, but the truth is Dr. Kraft is the editor. I doubt my manuscript would have been accepted by another publication, but then again all things are possible with God. Luke say so.

More musings to come...

2007-04-17T17:05:00.000-07:00

I desire to do your will, oh my Lord. Your law is written on my heart.

It's so easy to ignore what God says. He speaks like no other being I know, in so many ways inaudible. But his will and his word pulse through my spirit and denying his plan for me is denying my own self. Why would anyone in their right mind do such a thing? Yet, unfaithfully, I ignore him again and again. I'm sorry for all of the times I've chosen not to hear your words.

The older I get it becomes apparent that life is not about being "happy", but rather fulfilled. I believe God knows much better than I do what will truly fulfill me in this life. So, I'll strive to listen. Lord, make me listen all the time. Give me the desire to hear and understand.